My first real girlfriend was named Claudia Crochet.
We were thirteen.
And our song was "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison.
Fast forward twenty five years.
I had the opportunity to live and work, for a very brief time, with Roy and his family.
And although I always had, and will always have, a soft spot for the unmistakable da-da-da-da-dun guitar lick that sets the rock/pop majesty of "Oh, Pretty Woman" in motion, I have to confess that one of my most favorite Roy O songs is this one.
Exquisite in its melodic and lyrical simplicity, remarkable in its original vocal performance in the 60's...stunning as it returned in the 80's with this slightly slowed, larger than life duet vocal between Roy and k.d. lang.
If you can listen attentively to this song in the quiet of a room by yourself and, at some point, the hair on the back of your neck doesn't stand up, have yourself checked by a qualified medical professional.
In a world of "singers", "performers" and "celebrities" who like to think of, and describe, themselves as "artists", this, I would offer....is art.
Wherever she might be now, I hope Claudia gets the same feeling.
Not risky in the "becoming a firefighter and selflessly endangering one's life on a daily basis to protect people" sense.
More like risky in the "I think I'll drop five bucks on a Powerball ticket and fervently pray to hit the jackpot" sense.
Personally, I don't recommend songwriting as a career goal.
In no small part because I "played the odds" for a long time.
And while I am proud of the work I did and the names I can drop of singers who have recorded my songs, the bottom line is that I never hit all five numbers, so to speak and am still working, albeit enjoying working, for a living.
Clark Bentley, on the other hand, probably retired a long time ago.
Because he hit all five numbers, so to speak, with just one song.
In 1968, an era in which the prime mode of recording and marketing potential hit songs was still the vinyl 45, Clark had the good fortune of being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
Or on the right side at the right time, as it were.
Because Clark was the writer of the "B" side of a single released by a, at the time, struggling young singer named Jeannie C. Riley.
The A side was a clever ditty, written by Tom T. Hall entitled "Harper Valley P.T.A."
Which sold over five and a half million copies in a little over four weeks.
Followed by the sale of a million copies of the album of the same name a few weeks later.
And the thing about "B" sides, in those days, was that because it was obviously unavoidably attached to the "A" side, the sales figures, and the applicable sales royalties, for one were identical to the other.
Six of one, as it were.
I don't really know how much moola we're talking on five and a half million single copies, but I feel pretty confident that Clark Bentley didn't ever get near a time clock again.
In Nashville, the legend of Clark is actually a fairly commonly told anecdote.
He is, in fact, known as "B Side Bentley".
All of that said, he never really got anything else of importance recorded and that, as the saying goes, was that.
Still, as the other saying goes, you only go 'round once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
In Clark Bentley's case, once was enough.
Even with what admittedly is a pretty lame song.
As if that matters.
Moral of the story...follow your dreams, songwriters, but keep in mind that becoming the next Clark Bentley...or Brad Paisley...or Usher...or Bruno Mars...is still, at the end of the day, entirely about being in the right place at the right time.
Just like Powerball.
P.S...here's a bonus story of another guy in the right place at the right time....Johnny Russell...who wrote the Buck Owens hit, "Act Naturally"...which ended up sung by a lovable drummer with a decidedly British accent and put on the B side of one of his band's better selling singles...."Yesterday'.....by The Beatles...the most played song on American radio for eight years....
Anybody who knows me will tell you that I'm all about technology.
Though one traditional side effect of getting older is poo pooing "change" and lamenting the passage of the good old days, I've always been perfectly comfortable with the advances that time inevitably brings.
Put simply...I had no problem, for example, tossing my Walkman away in favor of an IPod.
And when IPod has had its day, I'll be good with whatever comes next.
That goes for TV, music, you name it.
Disclaimer firmly in place, let me offer that there's one tech advance I do not endorse or enjoy.
AutoTune.
For those who don't know, it's an electronic device that takes any recorded voice, no matter how off key, off pitch, warbly or wobbly it might be and makes it sound pitch perfect for recording purposes.
That's good news for "singers" who can't really sing.
Bad news for you because ultimately when you hear the "singer" "sing" live, you can't help but be disappointed, even a little cheated, that you spent big money to be in the audience to hear somebody wail away with a skill that your nine year old cousin could probably best.
Case in point:
Taylor Swift.
As proven with this "performance" late last year.
Okay, fair is fair.
She's cute.
She writes clever songs.
But, any reasonable person would have to concede that she can't really sing.
Thanks to AutoTune, though, what you hear on her CD's may be Taylor Swift's voice...but its certainly not her singing voice.
By way of illustrating the difference, here's a clip of a song done by the 60's group, The Byrds.
Recorded live in the studio in a time when there was no AutoTune.
There was, simply, the sound of beautiful singing voices in harmony.
The point of all this is not to get into one of those "in my day" things that used to annoy me when my father did it as much as it does you when your father does it.
There are lots of singers today who can knock it out of the park, live, every time.
Taylor Swift isn't one of them.
And the next time you put out a couple of hundred bucks to hear her "sing", and find yourself disappointed, even cheated, that she's not even close to what you expected, remember that she's not to blame.
That falls totally on the guy who invented AutoTune.
Raphael Ravenscroft.
Pretty cool name, huh?
Never heard of him, right?
He's pretty well known, though.
And he's probably getting some heavy duty mention in the press today.
Because Gerry Rafferty died yesterday.
For those of you who don't know Gerry's work, he was a founder of a seminal 70's group, Stealer's Wheel, a band that had such oldies radio staples as "Stuck In The Middle With You" and "Star".
Gerry went solo after the band had its heyday.
Went on to have a couple of minor hits.
And one mega-monster.
"Baker Street".
And Raphael Ravenscroft?
You've probably never seen him, let alone heard of him.
But you've heard him.
And will for a long long time.
The moral of today's story...
When your mom tells you to practice your sax...
Practice your sax.
Nice work, Raf....
And Godspeed, Gerry...
Working in radio can be tricky.
It's my job, and my pleasure, to be entertaining and informative on the show each day in hopes you will enjoy the time spent listening and hopefully make it a habit.
I also put a lot of effort into bringing you a daily radio show that isn't the same old same old.
If you're a regular listener, you've already experienced one example of that effort.
I'm not bashful about expressing my personal opinions.
Even when those opinions "go against the flow" of the current fad, rage or "thing".
Which brings us to today's topic.
The Kardashians.
Again, if you listen to the show, you already know how I feel about the silicone siblings, so I'm not going to waste your time or insult your intelligence by getting into some kind of rant here.
Suffice to say that I'm not a fan.
But since you're kind enough to spend time listening to the show and/or reading the blog, I think you deserve to know why I feel the way I do.
I don't like the Kardashians because you deserve better.
Given the exorbitant amounts of money that celebrities make, money that you provide by buying their music or seeing their movies or watching their TV shows, it seems only fair that you should get something substantial in return.
A really great CD.
A powerful and memorable motion picture.
A groundbreaking TV series.
And what are you getting for your money when it comes to this high gloss, low rent sister act?
The audio/video equivalent of junk food.
Seemingly tasty but ultimately unsatisfying and totally lacking in nutritional value.
Not to mention that they are old news.
Because the concept of "sexy sisters who are famous but we can't really figure out why" dates all the way back to the Eisenhower administration.
Today, it's the bodacious booties Kim, Khloe and Kourtney.
Sixty years ago, it was the Hungarian hotties Magda, Eva and Zsa Zsa.
The Gabors.
Like their successors, celebrities only in the strictest definition of the word:
"celebrity (n)(v) a celebrated or famous person; the state of being celebrated.
Notice that nowhere in that definition does the word "talent" make an appearance.
Like I said...Kardashians?...not a fan.
Gabors?
Well, at least Eva gave us "Green Acres"
People say I'm psychic.
Or maybe I've misheard them and they're saying psychotic.
Potato, patahto.
Either way, I know what I know...
And a few things besides...
To wit, I humbly offer my annual predictions for 2011...
1. Superman fans will celebrate when Katy Perry divorces Russell Brand and marries Jack White of the White Stripes, becoming, of course, Katy Perry White… 2. Seeing that Lady Antebellum sold more CDs in 2010 than he did, Adam Lambert will change his name to Lady Adamlambert…which, is of course, redundant. 3. Mike Posner will finally concede that he’s not cooler than me. 4. Adobe Flash Player will upgrade the sound of Maroon 5, issuing Maroon 5.1… 5. The next day, Adobe Flash Player will issue Maroon 5.2… 6. Taylor Swift’s career will require a re-tooling as she hits puberty. 7. The mystery of Amelia Earhart’s disappearance will take a new twist when pieces of her lost airplane turn up in Justin Bieber’s hair… 8. Ryan Seacrest will confess that he is actually into witchcraft…and then run for the U.S. Senate from Delaware… 9. Lady Gaga will have a baby…oddsmakers list the chances at even money that she’ll name the kid Baby GooGoo… 10. The stock market will take a disastrous plunge as investors panic at the news that Snooki actually knows how to talk like a normal human being… 11. Michael Buble will finally have the supermonster hit that will make him a household name causing people to stop calling him Michael Bubble. 12. Pink will record a CD aimed at older audiences when she realizes that she’s gone from shocking to more of a light carnation pink… 13. Oprah will struggle throughout the year with deciding whether to give that “kinda lesbian” thing a try or not… 14. Usher’s CD sales will be so successful that he will start calling himself Head Usher… 15. Sarah Palin will parlay her reality show success into a new cooking show “Sarah Palin’s Baked Alaska”… 16. Jessica Simpson will accidentally become engaged to Britney Spears… 17. Lindsay Lohan will, sadly, be re-admitted to rehab, but will announce HER engagement to House, M.D…. 18. No signs of intelligent life will be discovered on Bruno Mars… 19. Mariah Carey will have her twins…Nick Cannon will be traded for a future draft choice… 20. American Idol will be cancelled after the coming season…Randy will be kept on, though… 21. Finally… I will find out that I was adopted…and my biological mother is… a. Susan Boyle b. Paula Abdul c. Abba d. Miss Ethel e. Professor McGonagall
The answer....sometime before December 31st on The Jack Edwards Radio Show, Monday through Saturday from 3P to 7P...
